There's 5 seconds left on the clock in the third and Dion is down 5-0. In classic Canadian fashion I'm going to go on and kiss him, yes go on and kiss him, goodbye.
We had a good run sir. You were unimpressive at every turn as the leader of your party and were destroyed in the useless election this month. Much like the way you came across on the television, you have left your party weak and meek and asking itself questions about its future.
But lets not forget the good times shall we? While they were few and far between for Liberal party members and anyone looking for a choice to the Harper issue, we were still able to enjoy your pouty face and nerdy speeches on numerous occasions, and personally you gave me lots of fodder for my blog canon, so for that I salute you.
Thankfully another useless Federal Election has passed(the third in 4 years) and Canadians have once again come out in force (sorta...) to practice democracy. Leading up to voting day the same slogan was fervently puked out by all politicians across the entire political spectrum.
Get out and vote.
But after talking to people from a variety of socio-economical backgrounds and age groups about their political choices and the reasoning behind their selection, I just have one thing to say.
Please get out and don't vote.
Don't do it.
Canada deserves better.
You people suck.
I honestly don't think everyone should vote. Why not? Well I've narrowed down a few reasons to help alleviate the pressure and effort that comes with going to your local voting booth and dropping in a ballot.
(For more enjoyable reading, try using a Jeff Foxworthy “You might be a redneck” voice in your head)
1)If you don't know who the leaders are of the major political parties then you should probably not vote - If you are so ill informed to confused Harper with Dion then we, unfortunately, cannot have your vote canceling out the vote of one of the people who decided to spend minimal effort keeping abreast of the basic political situation(We'll give you a pass if you don't know who Elizabeth May is).
I know people who can't read and still are more educated about our leaders and their plans than 50 percent of the population is.
2)If you are a seperatist then you should probably not vote - You don’t want to be a part of Canada so then you might as well not bother spending any effort deciding the direction of the country. Go bake some baguettes and re-watch The Barbarian Invasions to pass the time.
3) If you vote for the same party everytime despite economic, social, environmental, and global changes or party leadership changes you probably shouldn't vote. You're voting sole on weak sauce black and white, us vs them thinking and don’t actually care about this country and the major changes that have occurred in it between elections. You are a partisan hack and therefore your heavy bias and sad lack of self esteem will only further the divide between bleeding heart pinko liberals and fascist racist neo cons.
4) If you vote for someone because your relatives did then you probably shouldn't vote. If you’re voting for a party or leader because your husband does than just take your ballot and wipe your bare bottom with it until its red with blood. If you vote because of parental influence then cut the umbilical cord because your parents have too much control over your beliefs and life.
5) If you live in the Maritimes or Quebec you probably shouldn't vote - Please don’t. In this unfair system you already get a disproportionately large amount of votes compared to your population and tax payments. Give the West a chance. Just try it for once. We’re not bad people. We won’t cut your obscene funding. I swear(crosses fingers behind back).
-Person asks each speaker to say something nice about the person to the left. This will be easy for 4 of the 5 speakers.
-Everyone bites their tongue and seems to be able to compliment each other. Of all the candidates, Elizabeth May has the toughest time complimenting the man to her left, Stephen Harper. No one is surprised or upset in the least. ATTACK ADS
-Conservative government started attack ads. G-ranical thinks Liberals should ‘ave as well.
-There is group sensus about being polite and nice and showing respect (This part of the debate really shows the differences between Canadian and American debate issues).
-Talk about dirty personal attacks on Parliament floor.
-Dion says Harper accuses scientists of being partisan and then declares them enemies. Dion says Harper is taking away free speech and attacking any opposition, no matter where it comes from, as partisan.
-Dion mentions some hilarious examples of Harpers attacks. Harper stating anyone against the war is a Taliban member. Says any economics against his are asking for recession. G-ranical is against the war. G-ranical realizes he must now buy a burka.
CRIME
-Professor at Dawson College where shooting occurred wonders why automatic weapons are legal in Canada
-Harper says he’s invested in better checks for weapons. Blames Liberals gun laws. Such a big gun registry, so little change.
-May says semi-automatic guns should be outlawed. She obviously hasn’t enjoyed the thrill of holding a strong, powerful, burning object as it went off in her hand...
-Duceppe says Harpers position is Bush’s position. More guns, more people in jail. Harper decides against using his own slogan “Get a gun, have some fun”.
-Harper says young offenders need tougher sentences for very violent crimes. Harper was clearly bullied in high school for wearing too many sweaters.
QUEBEC
-All leaders take their turns sucking up to Quebec. G-ranical can barely stomach the slobbering.
- Arts and culture cuts from Harper mentioned repeatedly. Apparently Stephen is not a fan of Circ Du Solei.
HEALTH CARE
-Layton says Harpers gift to corporations (tax cuts for banks) will hurt Canadian Health Care, especially training doctors. G-ranical wants to know what kinds of gifts they’re getting and if Harper is just being polite on birthdays and Christmas.
-Dion calls Harper a conservative with distaste and then Layton a socialist with the same distaste. What does that make Dion? A John Kerry, salmon out of water, flip flopper?
-May calls Harper on his promise of reducing waiting times. Says he couldn’t keep the promise because its impossible without the cooperation of the provinces. Harper doesn’t hide the fact that he’s not a fan of Provinces. I guess he prefers states...
-Duceppe says Ottawa should send the provinces the money and then butt out. Duceppe is use to a lot of thing happening this way in Quebec.
RANDOM NOTES
-Layton’s translators make him sound slow and dumb
-Dion comes out of debate seeming more competent and less absurd then the extremes Left and Right surrounding him. He’s “Even Stephane”. (I’m going to laugh at my own terrible pun and if you don’t want to then...fine. I accept that.)
-Harper came across as less stiff and more a real person when he compliments the person to his left, Jack Layton, as asked by a TV viewer. Conservative heads must have used extra oil to grease Tin Man’s joints.
-Elizabeth May, as expected, adds little to the debate while wasting precious airtime.
-Consumer asks about oil reserves in Canada and how it doesn’t translate to average Canadian. The consumer asks about Nationalization(Next this random consumer will want to know about 5 year plans).
-Dion responds with vagueness. NUMBERS DION! “We ‘ave a plan, we ‘ave a strategy”. I’m sure you do.
-Green Party not in favour. G-ranical shocked. G-ranical kidding. May thinks consumers need alternative energy sources
-Duceppe is not in favour. Ottawa would want to take control of Quebec’s hydro. Subtext? "OUT OF THE QUESTION YOU DIRTY ANGLO FIENDS!"
-Harper cuts tax for gas. States Canada benefited greatly from high oil prices (at least people working in Alberta did).
-“Just like in school, I see people raise their hands, Mr. Dion and Mr. Layton” (Moderator burns both opposition members in the same sentence!)
-Duceppe believes “Polluter pay principle” to lower emissions. G-ranical believes “West pays East principle” to run Canadian economy.
-May thinks cutting GST (Notes that Harper stole idea from Australian PM. Again with the plagiarism) doesn’t help the average person. Must reduce income taxes. Payroll taxes for employers and employees and not reduce corporate taxes. But that begs the question; who will ever want to move up to management then?
-NDP doesn’t support increase on GST (hmm). Believes in renewable energy and infrastructures.
-Dion – Harpers plan criticized economically, bureaucratically and environmentally. Fails to note all 3 criticisms come from himself.
LISTERIOSIS ISSUE
-Duceppe thinks this is a case of Laissez Faire (DAMNIT! Even in the translation Duceppe is confusing me)
-Harper is evil – de-regulation caused Listeriosis. More of this in our future. G-ranical thinks Harper should wash his hands more often.
ENVIRONMENT
-May says Harper’s Carbon targets are dangerous. Threatening future with this plan. Canada lacking behind the rest of the world. “Your plan is a type of a fraud.”
-Harper blames Liberal inaction from past. Says he has hard targets. The targets are Duceppe, Dion, and Layton, in that order.
-Layton says Harper is the only leader of a developed country that is following his environmental approach, as Bush is leaving office. (Nobody laughs). During this May laughs and says it’s a joke.(Sorry. No one of importance laughs). Viewers don’t see the comedy of it but it must be an inside joke.
-Layton says Harper gave polluters Carte Blanche (Another French reference flies over my head).
-“It’s a faceoff between Duceppes finger and May’s smile. Duceppes finger will go first.” Moderator tries to bring humour to this dull church sermon.
-Debate moderator needs a whip and a chip on his shoulder to take control of this bull stampede. This is a free for all like elementary students arguing about sports.
-Round table discussion format makes it seem that Harper is literally being attacked from all angles. (Smug face can only take him so far against the onslaught). It’s like France 1944 all over again. A multitude of nations attacking the stronghold of the Nazis. Harper is not a Nazi and should not be compared to one.
-Harper counters economy issues by attacking Dion’s Carbon Tax and uses the previous economic growth to bolster his side. Attacking Dion is like shooting an elk with two broken legs and tread marks on its ribs. Harper is somehow able to avoid the issue of terror that might be the future of Canada’s economy with a dead and dormant US cousin.
-Duceppe attacks Harper on oil tax breaks for big business
-May “As a woman, as a single mother, I do understand what economic measures are all about” AND THERE IT IS! Bringing out the estrogen angle. I warned about this.
Question about bailout plan for Canada’s economy like Americans are attempting
-Duceppes says no way (Unless its for Quebec of course wink wink)
-Dion says nothing but lips still move
-Layton’s translator is turning me on. I think he’s flirting with me indirectly through the cover of a debate. Its cute. But I’m not ready for a relationship the bilingual man will surely desire.
-Harper thinks economy rock solid and so are our banks. Harper thinks taxes will create recession and deficit. He forgets the last time his government was in majority they ran a huge deficit and Liberals had to clean up through the use of taxes...
-Dion talks about contingency fund or cushion that Harper has taken away (Tax cuts have to come from somewhere). Dion brings about Harper’s de-regulation plans and how that is the problem in banking in the U.S. G-ranical becomes scared.
-Duceppe thinks manufacturing should get cuts not oil(I wonder why that is? West = Oil vs Quebec= manufacturing).
Are you talking to me, G-ranical? Well there's no one else here so you must be talking to me.
While researching this great white haired pheasant I tried accessing his website. I think my dyslexia has returned because I am having trouble understanding any of the gibberish. The letters all seem to be in the wrong spots.
It is not only a great show of anti-English solidarity by the Bloc in using only Francais on their webpage, but it’s also a great tactical move as well. The G-ranical can not fun make with information he cannot understand. Drawing cartoons in French 11 has only taken his secondary language skills so far.
I salute you Mr. Duceppe but watch your back. The English translator on the upcoming French Debates will aide my vicious and comedic mind.
Gilles Duceppe is holding out on Canada. He has a penguin/human-mixed-breed psychopath living somewhere and I want to meet it.
As you may have noticed, I have trouble judging Gilles Duceppe on his Quebecois rhetoric and political voting history. I’m blinded all too easily by his remarkable resemblance to the daptly dressed Christopher Walken from the 1992 Tim Burton Film, Batman Returns.
I don’t think anyone between the ages of 22 to 45 can think seriously about Duceppe’s platform without first knowing and understanding his association with this fictional, yet disturbing, character.
I mean sure, if there wasn’t an angry disgusting looking super villain terrorist connected to Duceppe, we could probably discuss his separation beliefs along with his anti-American stance and general left leaning ideals. Or the fact that he use to be part of the Communist Party (GASP!)
But I’m getting ahead of myself and focusing on minor political variables when there is something much greater at stake; scientific genetic mutation and a future of man-bear-pigs running around the earth trying to succeed the human race as the immanent ruling species on the planet.
So I must ask, is the connection between the two well known silver haired characters (I may be going out on a limb here but I’m not entirely sure Duceppe is a real person) only so tenuously based on their genetics similarities, or are they so similar that one cannot tell them apart?
The character Gilles Duceppe is the son of actor Jean Duceppe. The character Max Shreck’s name is born from actor Max Schreck.
It gets better.
To gain more power and get elected in Parliament, Gilles ran for the “Bloc” Quebecois. To gain more power Max used the Red “triangle” gang to get his penguin elected and get his power plant made.
And if this bit of geometry isn’t convincing enough then look no further than these dirty triangle relationships.
Stephane Dion is Duceppe’s enemy in Quebec. Both Dion and Duceppe are enemies of Stephen Harper and will therefore work together in voting against him in Parliament. They do this while at the same time they attempt to discredit and steal voters from each other in their French homeland. All three (Dion, Duceppe, Harper), despite their differences, unite against the far left leper of Jack Layton.
The Penguin and Max worked together to try to take over Gotham. Meanwhile, Max tried to kill Selena Kyle, thereby creating Catwoman who wants to now return the favour to Max. All three (Max, Penguin, Catwoman), despite their differences, attempt to discredit and destroy the goody two shoes Batman. Eventually after Penguin’s unsuccessful attempt, Catwoman is able to kill Max Shreck,sacrificing herself in the process.
*You guys figure out what that metaphor means for the coming election*
So with all this irrefutable evidence the important question remains; where’s Pengy at?
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